Adam John Bell



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I am the little green monster hear me roar

From: Adam Bell
To: NTSR
Date: Jun 1, 2005 9:10 PM
Subject: [NTSR] I am the little green monster hear me roar

Today I rode the Daytona to work and back and generally enjoyed it, although as usual I felt like it was a fish out of water in commuter traffic. I also wondered, as I often do lately, why the suspension sucked so very much.

I have been wondering whether the Tiger's kickass-for-the-street suspension is spoiling me, or whether the Daytona's ride characteristics have indeed actually got a lot worse since I've owned it. So, when I got home, I decided to ride Pete's Kawasaki ZX-10R since he has been offering for a while and has left it in my garage while he is in the Isle of Man getting hammered.

As a brief backgrounder, this is the same bike that spent 4 months or so in the corner of my garage during Wintertime looking pissed off and threatening my wife's Subaru.

I consider myself an averagely competent street rider, and recognize that I have probably much better judgement and self-discipline than I have skill. I am fairly comfortable with things that way around though, I expect it's why I am still alive.

Although it was near dark and I did not intend on or do much of a ride on the bike (cheers though Pete if you are reading this from the IOM) and only took it out for a short ride through some local urban and residential areas, I found it was a motorcycle that spoke to me clearly.

This is what it had to say:

1. I am actually much greener in color than you have noticed previously, and will be stared at by people as if I were an alien spacecraft abducting their children.

2. Although my bars are well-situated and my tank is a joy to grip between your legs, my footpegs are so very fucking high that you will wonder if they're even there. However once you find them you won't notice it much, for reasons I will come to next.

3. I know you have ridden a number of so-called performance motorcycles before, but they have the focus of a Chinese-made $2 disposable camera compared with me. Believe me when I tell you that I go, stop, and turn much faster than you or anyone you have ever spent much time with is capable of addressing effectively. I make the Ducati 999 you rode last year feel like a Volvo. Like the public roads you force me onto, you are so fucking unworthy - the only difference is you know it, because you've had your license for more than 18 months unlike the twats in t-shirts that it is my mission to maim or kill.

4. You had better not make any throttle mistakes or grab too much brake at the wrong time or I will spit you into the gutter in a highside you won't fucking believe.

5. You should know that if we encounter any 19 year-old squids, they will decide they need to ride in formation with us, or have a race. You will probably decline to participate in either because you're such a fucking pussy and you don't want anyone to die in the busy part of Route 9. You suck!

5. You can short-shift through to second and third if you like you fucker, but you are only delaying your inevitable doom.

6. Even though I am so very fast, I do not intend to make speeds feel slower than they are. Particularly with this Devil exhaust - I am so fucking loud that last week Motorhead moved in next door and called the police to deal with me. Fucking deaf people will jump into hedges when I pass. When you're doing 35 through a town center in third, I will make it sound like MotoGP and you will think you are doing 70.

Honestly I did really enjoy the ride as limited as it was, but I was quite stunned by how focussed the 10R is. You can read the magazine articles all you like and it doesn't convey the message properly. Ride one if you get the chance because it's a loony little bitch.

Cheers
Adam